I was seeing a patient for a while now and I was wondering if I am putting too much effort into trying to help her. I also asked myself if I am truly able to help her. Obviously, I am not trained in anything so the only thing that I do is spend time with her and comfort her. She is young and feels lonely so I try to at least decrease her feeling of loneliness. But how much can I really do? Nothing. Today, on a Sunday I came to the hospital specifically to see her even though I had a long meeting this morning with one of the doctors and I am very tired but still I made the effort to come. But the patient didn't really feel like seeing me. I know her and I know that she doesn't feel like doing anything but to ask for discharge so I started to push her a little to get her out of bed. Suddenly, I realized or at least wondered if I am doing this for her or for myself. I came to the conclusion that I am probably doing this for myself and I stopped. I introduced her to another intern who will be here for another six months and left. The other intern will at least be able to engage with her for a longer period than I can.
The patient was told yesterday that I am leaving from Monday onwards so I don't know if she doesn't want to see me anymore because she is disappointed. Why would she want to engage with somebody who is leaving her anyway? I think I am putting too much time, effort and dedication into this. There is nothing I can change and even though I want to I don't know how.
Tomorrow I am leaving and that's all that matters for now. I better get home and start packing.
No comments:
Post a Comment